mementos

i suppose i shouldn't expect you to read this. and since you won't, i suppose i shouldn't ask you for an explanation either. what would i do with one, anyway? it'd just be one more thing to hold against you, and i've got my pockets stuffed with things already. it wouldn't be so bad if i had just learned to burn the bridge the first time. but you know, hindsight is 20/20 and all of that. i'm sure these feelings are going to fade just like all the ones before you have. i learn to swallow them down and ignore the echoes they make when they bang against my espohagus. i'll get to the place that when i close my eyes while he kisses me, i won't try to conjure up your face any longer. pretty soon, when he wraps his arms around me in bed, i won't pretend their yours. i'll get over all of that.

but for now,
i'm back to being that girl you found on the bathroom floor. that day was really it for me, you know? when i knew that i felt safe in your arms and that your words were all it took to keep my head above the water. your words, the words and the arms that ultimately would break this thing wide open. and still i'd crave them, as i do now.

if only i just knew why.