if i felt at all like i had lost you, it would have been a month ago.
when everything i built my LIFE around dissolved away in the tears i had shed over what happened.
but it's like the reconstruction part is so much messier than the forgiveness part. and i feel like every day that passes where i make up my mind that rebuilding this takes time, means another day that you become just a touch more hazy. the lines are blurring for you, i think. the lines between what your head wants to do and where your heart is tied.
i know that it doesn't make it any easier that i still feel so comfortable between your sheets, between your legs, between your arms. maybe i just like knowing that if you need to fulfill some instinctive instant gratification, i'm the one that gets to provide that. of course, that in and of itself is a touch ironic, because that instant grat is what got us in this shit hole of a situation in the first place.
so am i supposed to have no security then? does the only reassurance i get have to come from me devoting myself to you again??
i know the answer to this question is, naturally, yes. because it's not my place to say anything about the decisions you make when you're not mine. i've been dissected by two conundrums who want to bury themselves under my skin.
go back to you in my mosaic state and risk falling to pieces again, or sit and wait for the healing process and possibly lose you to some other place and time.
and the earth keeps turning...
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